A New Year

Since my last post we've celebrated both the common and Baha'i New Years -- and the one year anniversary of my diagnosis (March 15) has come and gone.  As much as I am grateful for lessons learned, this year I am particularly happy for new beginnings and fresh starts.

The easternmost point of Mexico.
At the end of December I went to Mexico to an alternative treatment clinic, Hope 4 Cancer.  It was such a contrast to my medical experience in the United States, and I'm so grateful that I was able to go.  The staff were so loving and nurturing, and I actually enjoyed going to the clinic for treatments.  I typically spent about 4-5 hours in the clinic each day.  Therapies included infrared and LED light treatments; local and whole body hyperthermia; IVs of vitamin C, B 17, and ozone; lymphatic massage/stimulation; coffee enemas; pulsed electromagnetic frequencies (PEMF); and ultrasound.  They also fed us amazing, healthy snacks, and of course encouraged us to make healthy dietary choices (primarily plant based, organic, non-GMO, no sugar, etc.), reduce stress, and work on emotional and spiritual healing.  At the end of my treatment I began a cycle of injections of a live virus called Rigvir (http://rigvir.com/).  During the time I was there I felt my body beginning to recover from the horrific effects of my chemotherapy treatments, and came home feeling very well and hopeful.  There was also a slight reduction in the size of my cancerous lymph nodes during the three weeks that I was there!  I met many incredible people at the clinic, and am so grateful to have them as friends to lean on through this healing journey.

Unfortunately my health didn't hold up as well as I had hoped it would after arriving home.  I tried to be vigilant about keeping up with my home treatments, but found that I quickly had an increase in my overall pain, and felt overwhelmed by feelings that I should be carrying on with all the treatments I had been doing in Mexico, but simply didn't have easy access to at home.  How I wish there were a comprehensive alternative cancer treatment center that offered all these things near where I live!  I had also been told to reduce my exposure to electromagnetic fields, and once we started exploring this, we quickly found that we had opened a very complicated and unsettling can of worms.  We have since got rid of WIFI at home and signed up for a home phone line in order to reduce reliance on cell phones, although we are finding the transition back to older technology somewhat slow going.  It's amazing how quickly we become dependent on new technology!  Even with changes in our own home, I sometimes find myself wondering why it was that my pain suddenly increased as soon as I got home...  Is it as simple as increased stress?  (It's easy to heal at a beach in Mexico without the pressures of everyday life!)  Or is there something else in my environment that is contributing to my disease burden and making me sick?


Resting and reading with Ruhi.
My pain increased throughout the month of January, and by mid-February I was in a pretty difficult place, as I was finding that the pain medications that had been working well for me for many months were no longer able to control my pain, and I was struggling with increasing nausea.  My doctors had a hunch that I was becoming tolerant to the Fentanyl patches I had been using, and admitted me to the hospital while they switched me over to a new pain drug (methadone).  During my hospital stay I had an MRI to assess what was happening with my cancer.  Unfortunately the MRI showed pretty substantial tumor growth since the CT scan that I had done in November.  What we didn't know was: when did that growth take place?  Was it primarily before I went to Mexico, or had the cancer continued to grow in spite of the Hope 4 Cancer treatments?

A double rainbow was waiting for me outside my
hospital window when I came back from my second MRI.
About two weeks ago I had a second hospital stay to sort out some continued pain issues and had a second MRI.  Unfortunately the results weren't what we were hoping for -- the lymph nodes had continued to increase in size over the course of the previous month.  My tumor markers were also much higher than they have ever been.  My optimistic side wants to believe that the increased lymph node size is just inflammation caused by the ultrasound treatments I had been doing, and perhaps the cancer markers are up because of cell die-off, but the most likely explanation is cancer progression.  So once again we must ponder and decide on what next steps to take in this journey.


Hospital visitors.





I had hoped to go back to Mexico for a follow-up appointment at Hope 4 Cancer (and also to reconnect with friends that would be there for follow up!), but decided it would be unwise for me to make the trip alone at this time considering how variable my pain and energy have been.  I hope to consult with the doctors there about my protocol soon, and will need to make a decision about whether or not to continue with the Rigvir therapy.  Many people have had amazing success with this treatment, but of course not every treatment works for every person, and it's hard to know whether or not this treatment is helping me.



Ruhi's sister decorated her in heart stickers.

The doctor I have been seeing at UNC has been supportive in many ways, but I suppose in her efforts to be as honest as possible, she typically talks to me as if I have one foot in the grave.  At my most recent appointment she encouraged me to talk to my family about how and where I want to die, and to start making mementos for my children for when I am gone.  I'm sure it is well intentioned, but the effect is harsh.  I think some physicians have a lot to learn when it comes to addressing patients in an honest yet hopeful and positive manner.  Especially with so much research supporting the notion that our thoughts and beliefs have a huge impact on our health, it strikes me that physicians could actually be contributing to disease progression and even patient death by placing too much emphasis on negative outcomes.  When the mind believes the body can heal, the body is much more likely to be able to do so.  The Baha'i holy writings provide this instruction to physicians: "When at the bedside of a patient, cheer and gladden his heart and enrapture his spirit through celestial power.  Indeed, such a heavenly breath quickeneth every moldering bone and reviveth the spirit of every sick and ailing one."  Can you imagine how different healthcare would feel if physicians put this principle into practice?

I still maintain a hope that I will recover, and am continuing to investigate both alternative and conventional options for treatment.  I plan to see an oncologist at Duke in mid-April that has more expertise in neuroendocrine cancer than my current local oncologist, and will see if he has any new thoughts about my treatment options.  I also plan to start using cannabis oil, which some of my contacts in the cancer community have said helped them with pain control and healing.

The holy writings of the Baha'i Faith state that there are two ways of healing sickness -- material and spiritual -- and both should be used and practiced.  I feel that I am at a critical juncture in trying to figure out where my path is leading, and what my next steps should be.  And for this, I am attempting to turn myself completely to God and the powers of the spiritual realms.  Although I often find that I keep my spiritual life somewhat private, I am putting aside my usual reservations and would like to invite all of you to join me in this process.  I need all the help I can get!  During the first 19 days of April I would like to ask for intensive prayers for healing and guidance from anyone that is so inclined.  Good vibes and healing thoughts fit into this category, too (I see them as simply another way of praying)!  I also plan to host two prayer gatherings in my home, and would love for anyone interested to attend.  Asking for all this attention and help feels somewhat selfish,  but I have come to realize that my healing journey is about much more than just me, and affects many people.  I've also realized how essential the spiritual element of healing is, and on a deeper level, that nothing can withstand the Will of God.  If it is God's will for me to be healed, God can bring about the miraculous.  And if it is my time to go, no amount of pleading, researching novel therapies, and treatment plans will bind my soul to this earthly realm.

Sunset in Cancun.
My family and I continue to be touched by regular instances of support from friends and relatives.  A long term illness like this really takes the wind out of your sails in ways that you can't predict, and is often isolating.  It is comforting to have proof that other souls are accompanying us on this journey.  Thank you!

Comments

  1. Count me in on the intensive praying! Asking as many people I know to do the same.

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  2. I am interested in joining your prayer gatherings. Please let me know when and where.

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  3. Dearest Sarah. I'm smiling with joy and hope for you. I'm sending you prayers of healing, comfort and guidance. Even though we have only interacted briefly, I love you and your family very much! I'll try to attend your second prayer gathering in April.
    Love, Mercy Rognstad

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  4. Dear Sarah, we have not yet met but would certainly like to meet you. It is through Kay Kirtley in Norman, OK that I connected with your sweet husband a few years ago.

    I have had a variety of health issues myself since August 11, 2016. So I am unable to attend in person but will be with you in spirit.

    Have been praying for you since I heard of the challenge in your life path. I will continue to do so, especially in April.

    Pray He answers your prayers.

    And, hope we soon get to meet.

    Sending love and prayers,
    Susie in Wake County.

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    Replies
    1. Hi, I would love to help out with looking after the children.
      I am free on Tuesdays, and weekends.
      I am part of Cary Bahá'í community. Where are you located?
      Mahin S

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    2. Please write to us at: mehrtash.olson@gmail.com :)

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  5. Thank you for openness, Sarah. I am so humbled to hear about your journey. Please be assured that we will definitely say prayers for you for this period of time and will continue after this 19 day period. Much much love to you and your very sweet husband and girls.

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  6. Dear Sarah,
    Definitely saying prayers for you. I am not able to attend your prayer gathering as i am in Maryland this weekend. However prayers will be said so i am joining the circle from afar.
    much love
    Jean Ghofrani

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  7. Absolutely joining you in prayer this month! My heart is filled with love for you and your family. You are a most incredible, beautiful and strong soul, dearest Sarah. Diana

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  8. I'm a Bahai and an internist and strongly believe in the power of prayer in healing. My youngest sibling was diagnosed in recent years, with the worst kind and in the worst stage. I personally believe, and I swear to Baha'u'llah that it is a miracle that he's still with us. We had basically ran out of options in the US, he'd gone through more cycles of chemo and trials than protocol. The long healing Prayer, the Tablet of Ahmad, the Remover of difficulies, and repeating Ya Allau’l-Mustagath (our mother chanted it over and over and over again over his head, while he slept, all the time. I did the same and so did the rest of us.)
    "To be prayed or repeated 1000 times between midnight and dawn for 9 or 19 nights (though to use the prayer once daily or even 9 or 19 times is enough). It seems infallible, even marvellous in power.
    ‘Abdu’l-Bahá said it for 3 days just before WW2 ended:
    Ya Allau’l-Mustagath!
    O God Our Deliverer, whom we invoke in times of extreme need, danger, or crisis!"
    After reading your entire blog post I would like to strongly advise you to consider Rigvir and medicinal marijuana. The FDA is sadly a political and bureaucratic entity and to depend on them for medication is unwise. There are many that have sought oncologic care overseas with positive outcome who are now living in remission in the US. The medicinal marijuana will alleviate the nausea and most of the pain without side effects. It is organic and natural. After reading several studies on Rigvir, conducted by the NIH in the last two years, there seems to be concensus that the outcome is positive but still not available in the US market. The clinic in San Diego has an affiliation with the clinic in Mexico and it is approved there. Please consider it!
    We Bahai's never give up! We are the army of light afterall. No matter what, we fight to the death. Please fight. Its a good fight. Life is a gift fighting for! I know you are weak, sad, depressed, in pain...in your heart, in the deep midst of it keep on saying Ya Allau’l-Mustagath!!! Medicine is necessary and with Baha'u'llah miracles happen. I know this, I've seen it and now I believe it.

    I will leave the following for you to reflect and find comfort in...

    Depend not on the sight of anyone except yourself, for God hath never burdened any soul beyond its power. – Baha’u’llah, Gleanings from the Writings of Baha’u’llah, p. 107.

    Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear… – Qur’an, 2:286

    God is faithful; He will not suffer you to be tempted beyond that which ye are able to bear, but with the temptation will also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. – Corinthians 10:13.

    Thou wert created to bear and endure…. When the shafts fly, press onward! – Baha’u’llah, Baha’i Prayers, pp. 219-220.

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  9. I saw your blog due to a friend's FB page. I utilize something called an Asyra in my practice. I am currently working with a woman who was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma. She did have the tumor removed but refused other medical treatment as they only gave her a 15% five year survival rate with it. She is in her 50's and has 7 children. We addressed her pH also. She has been using this technology with fantastic results. Like I told her, her body is an eco-system and when it is polluted, disease can occur. I am not nor do I "treat" cancer. The intention is cleaning up her body and allowing her body to function more normally and deal with her situation. Here is a link to the testing and approach. http://www.asyra.co.uk/ So many other patients with other issues are being helped too. If you want to discuss anything it would be my pleasure. My website is www.painfreebody.com. This is the woman's testimonial she wrote to me in an email. She has given me permission to use it.

    Dear Dr. Jeff and Stephanie,

    Just returned from my six month check up with Dr. Nitzkorski, the oncologist,and had to write you a note to say- Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!Thank you for doing what you do, for making health, strength and bountiful life accessible and available to all of us! He was amazed to find me so well, no swollen lymph nodes, my liver felt great, my blood pressure at a beautiful 120 over 70 (that hasn't happened in years!) and he said"Whatever you are doing-keep doing it!"

    Of course you know I will keep doing it. So again, thank you. I am so grateful for the both of you. We pray all of God's abundant blessings over you and your great kids.

    See you soon.

    Joyfully yours,

    Christine C.

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  10. Today, begins the 19 days of intense prayer for you. Your dear friend, Jason Adamo, asked for prayer help. Keep your positive mindset!!!

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  11. Dearest Sarah, I have been following your journey throughout the last few months and you have been in my prayers as you will continue to be. May healing love and light surround you and your sweet family. Mary

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  12. Sarah, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I do believe in the power of prayer and of course I believe you can be healed. We will pray for you until we hear that you are well again. Perhaps I can help with childcare or some other need. Also, I would like to attend your prayer gathering mid April if possible. I do not check my gmail account often.
    My hotmail account is evytaylor@hotmail.com
    - Evy (Best known as Miana & Lily's Mom) :)

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  13. Dear Sarah, Mehrtash and daughters, I am grateful to have received the update from Cary and will join you in prayer. With loving Baha'i greetings to all.

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  14. Sending love and prayers to you from China, Sarah and Mehrtash! Thank you for your example of courage and wisdom. Your stories and thoughts shed a bright light into the world!

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  15. Best of Luck! I know in Europe they are actually doing intensive fasting as a Cancer treatment! I will assist with prayers!

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  16. Sarah, I will lift you up in my prayers each day. I pray you find yourself surrounded with love and healing light! Thank you for your boldness in sharing your journey so openly with us.

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  17. We love you so much. What a beautiful post. I will be thinking of you every day. I wish we could all hold up a piece of this wrenching transformative journey for you & your family.

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  18. Much love to you sister! You are so strong and the power of your love comes through in this post. My soul is guiding me to reach out to you and invite you to set up a 1-1 with me. I would be so delighted to hear more about your journey and offer you a gift of distant Reiki if you feel it would serve you. I am most delighted to support you in this 19 day quest for receiving guidance and support. Feel free to call or email here: http://www.racheleillari.com/connect/
    Rivers of peace,
    Rachel

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  19. Sarah, You are completely correct about the effect that physicians have! There was a rock solid study finally done on placebo effect at Harvard. If I can find it, I'll send it your way. Basically, placebos were found to be as effective (or nearly so). One of the 4 groups in the study were told by the doctor, "This is a placebo." These patients still improved greatly! It can't be proven, but naturally the authors posited that the act of a doctor giving attention to a patient was healing in itself. So yes! They have such a powerful effect and I wish for you the care of a doctor who heals you with his or her spirit as much as any treatment or advice. Love, Melanie

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